Well I sit here before you today to bring to you the Parable of "He who is lucky" After a really terrible time waiting for the doom and gloom to be "expounded":o)) by my consultant, David, who over the last twenty years has become more like a friend to me than cardioligist.
I arrived, trembling, at his practice at about 09.15 and was about to sit and read the daily paper until I was summoned (there were six other people waiting too) as I opened page four (as you do ;o)) to the really intellectual bits, I heard his deep rumbling voice coming from around the corner leading to his consultation suite. "Captain" "Captain" are you here yet?? yes of course I knew he called me this but I really didn`t want to be too sure as I wasn`t happy as to what the results would be and so I pretended that I didn`t really understand that he wanted me, anyway it was at least twenty minutes too early.
I looked around at the others, to feint that I didn`t really know what he was talking about and all of a sudden his gargantuan mass appeared before! me "what are you deaf? I won`t certify you if you don`t hurry up". ....Come on come on"....I shot bolt upright and again looked around me at the others who were suddenly, white faced and now had their mouths open.
Standing at attention I found myself walking like Bazil Faulty with my right hand stuck out in front of me, so as to greet him.
I shakily asked him how he was and nervously said that it was nice to see him again and how was he? "You only saw me last week and you know how I am!" he boomed! "anyway its not nice to see me is it? ...I don`t know many thing but I do know that?" He smiled and my legs started to work properly on the short walk to his desk. After some pleasantries during which we berated each other about his ability as a doctor and surgeon and his bedside manner and he, me, about my abilities as a Skipper, Father and Grandfather and we got down to business! "well hows the old car is it still going OK!.... he said..... "did you re-build your Starboard engine, on the boat"? I explained that I had and now there was another one to do and how my concern for that task had pushed my blood pressure up at the exact time that I had the tests done!.... " no it didn`t" he replied " .."Oh yes I think it did! " I wispered meakly!......"nothing wrong with your tests!" .he replied smiling! ......... I mentally collapsed! my heart started to beat again and once again I berated him, for not saying anything to his appointment clerk who when ringing me, I stated, should have said something like this. ...........Is that my Smith? to which I would have replied that no it wasn`t and may I help? and then she would have explained in as nicer voice as possible "Oh! well if it was I was going to ask him to have an ickle bikkle word with "Mr doctor" about his test results, but as there is nothing wrong with them could I possible ask you to come and see him to recieve them........... It would have been so much nicer and less stressfull if he had briiefed her before she rang stating that "Mr doctor wants too see you next week at 0915 OK!!" to which I am always expected to say "Oh yes of course it is!"
I have been visiting him every year since a genetic heart malformation was discovered in my Aortic valve, some twenty years ago. and he has guided me through and advised me as to the best way to deal with it, right up until six years ago when I had a plumbing job done by him and his team, replacing it with a titanium one and now I am as good as new!!! cough! cough! and the proud owner of at least one bit of me that will last a thousand years. The rest may fail, but the valve , never........... Mental note to keep out of scrapyards with magnetic hoists!
So here I sit sounding more like timebomb than a human being te he! The Ten Quid man in all his glory. Another mental note to get a costume made to prevent burning upon "re-entry" like superman.
When I finally arrived at the Cafe for lunch, I had been right and was indeed interrogated by Evadne as to where I had been? and told that "didn`t you know that we would worry if I didnt show up?" she still charged me for my lunch (of course!)!