Sunday, March 05, 2006

What a strange world I live in?

Things I find tiresome are many and this morning at 02.00 I find lying awake tiresome, particularily as I had no Idea why it had happened, so here I sit Blogging. Usually this phenomina occurs when I turn over and accidently switch on the main room light (placed so conveniently as to require little or no movement to activate it) it does however take a little more than a "bottom clench" and then in my hurry to switch it off I usually hit the tablelight switch and so the words " whats this the Blackpoole illuminations" is heard eminating from the "grumpy one" (who wouldn`t be waken up in such an alarming manner) Oh! I forgot to mention that by now, I have usually uttered a dozen swear words and stubbed my fingers on the switches. All returns to a peacefull state when the lights finally go out but the awakened state remains, well at least for me, Grumpy however goes straight back to sleep, only berating me when the children visit, with the comments "you will never guess what the silly old sod did last week, etc.

But that didn`t happen this time and so here I sit with time on my hands, its too cold to work on my engine in the garage and I could offend the neighbours with the noise so I blog, I could really enjoy blogging if I could post a photo, but A,O,hell and Picashole in their wisdom have decided that I shouldn`t be able to post anymore pictures, so thats another thing I find tiresome P*ssing about with the compbox trying to find out how to overcome the problem,

Unperforated cheap toilet paper, I find tiresome and a really upsetting experience for me and should be sold with a health warning, you waste half your time trying to tear it straight, getting it the wrong size and then in the act you perforate it with your nails, Eugh! definately a health warning should be included.

Today I am about to decorate my lounge and dining room and I hate doing it, I will build a house with pleasure, but decorate it Nah! I hate it. My house has only ever seen emulsion paint and wall paper to me is like a cross to a vampire, I hate it!, you spend days choosing it days hanging it and many days stripping it and then you don`t like it when its hung (well maybe for a few minutes until it went out of fashion) Waste of time, Bah humbug!

I find Drivers along side at the traffic lights looking at me, revving their engines and getting ready for the "off" usually in a sports car or "macroejaculatory ford" with big exhaust are tiresome. I entertain myself whilst stopped, by doing the same and lurching forward a foot, long before the lights have changed to "go" and watch the resultant embarrassment of the rocket jockey as he shoots off trying to beat me only to find himself in the middle of the cross traffic on a still red light. Irresponsible! do I hear you say, yes I reply, but fun, and they deserve everthing they get, which is usually little more that the horn or a minor scrape, but feeling silly whoa! that really is worth seeing, as I drive sedately past, while they back off or around the closely impacted car, and its angry occupant.

Sitting in a friends car travelling across france to fit an engine in a boat for another associate I got bored so I painted a face on and onion with a "magic marker pen"and sitting looking to the front I commenced to do a puppet show for a French lorry driver as we pulled alongside him at sixty K s per hour, I continued to look to the front as if it was nothing to do with me , as "Oliver the onion" was going through his routine when the driver spotted what was going on, out of the corner of my eye I saw him laughing and the next thing a lady, also travelling in the lorry was peering down at Oliver, whilst laying across the driver (you have to remember that I was sitting on the left the lorry driver was driving on the right and we were passing on his right)this went on for a couple of minutes and we finally turned off with the driver and his ladylaughing and waving frantically in appreciation of Olivers act, or so I thought but suddenly the road came to an end with road works and now we had the problem of getting back onto the motorway, I found that tiresome, not having the "road closed" sign in engblishand my friends insistance that I grow up and behave myself. On our way back and whilst Oliver was waving at a couple of Gendarms my mate lost it and Oliver was discharged from duties via the drivers window, as having "done enough damage"and he was not going to have the drivers license take away as part of it. so I sat quietly for a few minutes to demonstrate my "Upsettedness" until I realised that the driver was enjoying the silence so I started againonly this time my puppet was going to be a lady and I was platting her hair into a squirly "Frauline mit motor" style, when the car pulled to a halt and it was explained to me that England was a long walk!

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