Sunday, November 27, 2005

I wonder!

There is an old saying that goes something like. "Life punishes us by actually giving us what we want" If this is true, I have been punished all my life. I sit here not wanting for anything, or do I ?

Of course I would like a bigger boat but it doesn`t really matter if I don`t get it. Sure I would like great health but then that, I can pretty well, control? and if I can`t for any reason its beyond my wishes anyway!

Am I strange? or just normal! Am I a realist that accepts life and what it brings without question, do I lack drive and or enthusiasm. I think not I go about my life with gusto I am always looking forward to something even if its only the completion of my chores or another post in a friends blog, my grandchildren and children visiting, even just sharing somebodys comment in my own blog makes me happy. If this is purgatory or the punishment of life there is something strange.

I see others with great sadness and mental pain, anguish and helpless sorrow, Why should I be allowed to be happy, why should I be allowed to accept others into my life? I do, of course, understand that one day it will all suddenly end and I will awaken into a sort of Dantes inferno. But then I guess that the other addage that "life doesnt let you be happy for too long" may hold true as well?

What can I do to help others who are unhappy? should I actually try to help? it would make me even more happy, if I was able to assist in some way! perhaps I am being selfish? could I just say to the alone and unhappy "allow others to come into your life enjoy their presence don`t try to bind them, dont try to reason with or blame yourself as to why they leave, just accept that it happens and move on! make your life interesting (unlike mine) so that others will want to step through its door, actively seeking out an entrance into your life, don`t push them away with demonstrations of sorrow and self pity".

I ask, am I responsible for similar actions in that I believe that I am happy and therefore don`t attempt to assist others into my life, should I, indeed, beleive that I need to do so?

Soooooooooooo! I am going out today to bring others into my life, where do I start? is it with a positive attitude or a caring smile? a gift or funny introduction or is it by just being me. It certainly seems to me that being who you are, gives people an instant acces into your life and tells them if they actually want to "visit" you. so I musn`t be miserable I musn`t bore, I musnt write drivel ??? (what am I doing now?) I shouldn`t lay my feelings out in the cold for others to pick at like Crows after they have read about them and been allowed to think just how lucky they are, Making the descision not to be of any further interest.

Do I look at life and being me, say to myself I am lucky! I love life! I love people! I love what I do and do what I love, I want you in my life I have so much to offer, I may enjoy you being there, will perhaps someone, anyone, hear my quiet pleading, my plaintif mantra? will they be led to my life?

Now I have a real problem Do I want them there? at least its my descision now

No comments: